Nobody knows the trouble I've seen........Nobody knows my sorrow

Greetings and Salutations Everyone,
I appologize for being so overdue in updating my blog. I have alot happening again in my life right now....I'll update here later today or tomorrow. Hard to believe its been 1 year since I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. To say 'time flys' is an understatement.

Surgery number 5 comin up TUESDAY 4/21!!!!!!

Hello all,I hope this blog finds you well today!
Well, yesterday I met with my surgeon for a 'pre-surgery' meeting. I wanted to hear what he had to say, along with get some of my own personal questions answered! I have to be at St. Annes at 7am for an 830am surgery. Based on the removing the expanders and putting in permanent saline implants, getting a breast lift and doing some liposuction on the outer sides of my ribs (i didn't know that was going to happen) the time frame is 2 1/2 to 3 hours. They later move me from recovery to a room for a few hours. So looks like I'll be at Anne's most of the day.

My right side has been traumatized pretty bad from 3 of the 4 previous surgeries, so I guess from what my plastic surgeon said, that will just be a little more 'challenging' to him. I hate to have him cut me open over the same incision because he did such an awesome job sewing me up. I trust him though, I just told him that I didn't want my 'girls' to look like Marty Feldman!!!!!!

I'm looking forward to next Tuesday 4/21, that day is all about me. From that day on, I can move on with my life and get the wheels spinning again. It's been a long, dreary winter, and one that I'd like to forget.

That being said, I'm going outside now to do some lawn work. It's too nice to be inside. And since Dan took my car and my wallet is empty, the back yard is where I'll be!!

I'll blog next week before and after surgery!!
till then,
think pink!!
Ciao
Trace

2 days

Hello Everyone,
I hope this late blog update finds you healthy, warm and hope you had a great Easter. I go talk to my plastic surgeon on Wed. 4/15 to discuss the surgery. I will blog more. The big surgery is next TUESDAY 4/21 at 8:30am (5th and hopefully final surgery). Untill then!!!
Think Pink!
Trace

Final Fill up!

Hello Everyone, Well today was my last fill up for the girls. Im so happy but the pain right now is increasing and I've got to go sit on my perch and down some more pain meds!!! I have a surgery date scheduled for April 21st at 800am at ST. Annes Hospital. I cant wait!!! As for returning back to work, I am scheduled to return approx. JULY 1st!!!!! I CANT WAIT!!!!!!!
Well, I wish I could talk to you more,but I cant breathe too good right now.....

ciao for now
Trace

Holy Cow Batman

Hello All, I hope this blog finds you warm and ready for spring! Hang in there, only a few days away!!!
Well today (wed, 3/4) I drove over to pick up my sis-in-law since she volunteered for 'babysitting me duty'' for the next day or so. Got to St. Annes all ready to go into "Wally's filling station" to get pumped up. I was practicing thinking positive and anxious of what was about to happen. "Wally'' walked in and did a little numbing on both the girls, then he had to aspirate me to get a little more fluid outta the right side, since that side been 'traumatized'...... Like I said, the man has a way with needles that even numbing, I don't feel that pinch.

Left one goes first today, we left off at 150 on both sides, so he left it up to me , I said go for it, I'll let ya know if I get into any pain. So 150 cc's goes in and wha la.....no pain. Now its time for the big fat right side....100 cc's and I'm doing fine....every time he pulls the trigger, 10 cc's goes in....110, 120.......all of a sudden.....I think I see God looking down at me from the ceiling...........whooooooooooo hold it there Boss....what number are ya at? 130 he says....Oh wow.....I feel like someone just stomped on my right lung. He was in the middle of 140, so he finishes it.....I take a breather and wait a few, I tell him I'm in pain but if he wants to shoot in 10 more just to make them 'even' that's ok. Well, he did not. he said it was obvious that I had enough.

I sat up on the bed and felt as though i had just fallen down chest first with out my hands catching my fall, and my right side was with out any air. Was this how a heart attack feels? What ever it is/was,,,,,,,needless to say I don't really want to encounter that again.
Marianne and I leave, I figured, If I focus on the pain, then it will be there, so what other way to take my mind off of pain is to go shopping. So we went to Sams club then I took her out to eat for lunch hobbling around as if I didn't have enough oxygen to make it thru the day.

We stopped by my niece's new house and its so nice, so new, and smells like a new house. Saw her dog Dewie (dewey) and checked out her new space which was really contemporary and new.

We drove back over my sister in laws, since I had some mild pain pills in me that were NOT working. By 2:30pm I couldn't take it anymore. The white flag was going up! I called the Dr's office....."we were wondering when you were going to 'hit the wall'"....the nurse said. It was all about the time and how much cc's they put in you. The problem today was that my muscles were really being stretched and being pushed back towards my ribs. Which in turn hurt my right lung, so under my right shoulder blade is where the ole heating pad went.

They called in some percocet inwhich we both went to get. I couldn't take it, pain like I had never felt before. Even more pain than my 4 surgeries!!!! Go figure!!! And I get to go in on WED 3/11 and get more put in. This time I'm more prepared.

My sister in law took great care of me, and it was great to get outta the house for 24 hours and stay with her. We got to work on the family reunion stuff and get a few things bought.

My mother called to see how I was doing. first time, i had trouble even talking because of being 'winded,,,,,, a few hours after the percocet kicked in I felt a little better. Still hurts but nothing nothing nothing like Wed afternoon.

Well I'll blog more when I can. Stay healthy!
Ciao for now!
Trace

99Luft Balloons

Good Morning everyone, well over the weekend my body decided it wasn't going to be like everyone's. So my right side decided to swell ( I am bursting at the seams) and get all red and puffy. Hoping that it's just the fluid I am retaining and NOT an infection or worse off, my weirdo body deciding that it's now going to reject the ole expanders, well, I decided to give my surgeon a call this morning. Needless to say he wants to see me this afternoon.

Little does my dear Mallori know that she will be playing taxi driver for her mother (more freeway driving at rush hour across town, never hurt anyone!) today at 330pm.

Scared? no......concerned ? yes! This crazy bod of mine, I do believe I'm going to ask Dr. Houser if he has any applications to the local freak show ( see Photo) I will update when I get back from "Wally's"....I'm guessing I'll get 'aspirated' and keep my apt.on wednesday at 10:00am....

Well I'm back and of course it was an infection. He aspirated me then wrote a script for some big time antibiotics. Mallori came with me and was amazed at the size of the needles that he probes me with......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh yes..........chalk one up for being a woman.

Anyhow, "Wally" wants to see me on wednesday at 10am....so until then,

stay warm and think Spring!!!

ciao for now,

Trace

Time to Pump You Up!

Well it's Wednesday, must be 'fillin' day. Yup, at 9:30am I'm back at "Wally's" for another fill up. This time I got me 150cc in each of the girls. Feeling pretty good right now and looking forward to next Wednesday.

If you notice the 'inflation device' to the left here. Well at my plastic surgeon's that device is pretty much what the real McCoy looks like. He numbed me up today. That guy's got a talent that he needs to share with about 98% of the dentists in central Ohio!.

I'm really glad I found this plastic surgeon. (Dr. Houser) It pays to do a little research and for pete's sake get a second opinion!

It's a great day out today, I'm going for a walk around the block. Can't wait for spring!

I'll post more by next Wednesday! Needless to say,,,,,,,,It sure feels good to be cancer FREE!
I'm one lucky dawg!


Ciao for now!
Trace

Time to go to Wally's Fillin Station!

Well, After waiting 3 weeks from getting my sharp pei puppies, today was the day I was waiting for. My first fill up! I woke up early around 6:30am only to run down stairs, start a load of clothes, unload the dishwasher, get my numerous drugs out and make coffee and yes, force myself to eat a bowl of cereal. I've never been one to eat breakfast, but with these meds, you would have to have a death wish with your stomach if you didn't eat.

I put on the TV to catch up on the ole stimulus package news, often wondering what the CEO of GM makes per year and how he is 'cutting back' like the rest of have to????? (ok ok...I won't go down that road now)....and my sleepless sister in law Marianne calls at 7:14am, to tell me that she can't witness the event today, since my niece wasn't feeling good. Bummer, she took me last week for a check up and really liked the ole plastic surgeon. (wink).She wished me good luck and I said I'd phone after it was done. I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect. Drives me crazy. But the meds kicked in and I was .......... let's say....''comfortable''!

They took me right away, he came in gave me an injection on the left side, no pain, then got the 'stud finder' out and put the needle right where it was supposed to be, again, no pain. Did the right side, then pumped in 50 cc's of saline in each side.
Done, finito, kaput! wow.......what was I thinking? I hope to have that amount doubled for next wed's visit. I am schedule till April 1st for weekly fillups with "Wally". He's got to get me up to 600 cc's on each side.

Dan and I went shopping after it was all done, and I came home made us lunch and took a nap with the cat till 3:30pm. Wow what a day. I almost can't wait till next wed!

I hope everyone had a great Valentines day! Spring is only a month away!
I will update this blog again next wednesday after I see Wally!
Ciao for now!
Trace

Free at last Free at last!

Well I think the title says it all. Just went to my surgeons and she got it all! Pathology reports came back that I have ZERO cancer in me (trust me I intend to keep it that way)...believe it or not I'm actually speechless now. I'll write more when I come back down off my cloud!!!

ciao for now

Trace

Way toooooooooo much skin!

Hello all! I hope this blog is finding all of you warm and cozy and in health! Well, it's done, kaput, finito,the surgery is finally over and done with. I had it done last Tuesday. Nervous as heck, we proceeded to the ole hospital along with 7 million other cars on the outer belt. We enter the hospital, with about 5 min. to spare, then I am whisked away to pre-op. The surgery went fine after 3 1/2 hours passing then came 3 hours in recovery.

Besides not wanting to wake up, it went better than I anticipated. The biggest thing I remember is not being able to talk because I had a tube up my nose and down into my throat. So I could not suck via a straw or say certain vowels. I kinda sounded like Marlee Matlin, until the next day the nurse removed the tube and by golly I had a voice that could talk!

I spent 2 days in ICU due to some breathing problems, was on Dilaudid and Percocet for a few days. Now my kitchen looks like I'm competing for the local CVS drugstore. Thank god, my mother arranged a 'time sked' for me to take my drugs.

My chest feels a little heavy, like I have 2 bricks on each side, but other than that I feel absolutely great! I also have drainage tubes that look like little plastic grenades (no I am NOT in terrorist training) inwhich I must log the liquid and drain as needed.

I cant wait to start my meds for 5 years ( yes I'm being serious) and start the healing process. I want to move on with my life. I also signed up with the Columbus Komen Chapter as being a breast cancer advocate. I can't wait for them to contact me. I'm looking forward to helping others out when they first find out that they have breast cancer.

I resumed painting, today. My Dad brought down to Columbus, some old water colour paper and paints and brushes. So I decided to paint a few 'projects' that I have doodled down. I plan to donate my first painting to the Dublin James Care Center. (hope they like it)

Anyhow, I feel great and there is no looking back. Oh and yes I did go into the Operating room and get sedated with a smile on my face. For indeed, when I did wake up, it would be a new life for me.

In closing, having both breasts removed, really isn't that bad. The skin sparring surgery is the only way to go! So as I look down at my chest the remotely resembles a shar pei dog's skin, I look forward to getting my first 'fill up' next wednesday from my plastic surgeon.

I'll blog later, after I meet with my surgeon on Wed. and get the 'all clear' sign!

Ciao for now!

Trace

Time to get into Survivor Mode

Good Evening everyone. Happy Monday to you all. With tomorrow as a 'big day' for me, I've done alot of thinking today. Actually cleaning the house (my mother is coming down) and getting clothes washed and sheets changed and grocery shopping done. I figured that the busier I stay, the better.

Somewhere off in that distant pea brain of mine, tomorrow is dwelling. My mind is like a symphony of emotions, with a crescendo of anxieties and fears coming up on the next page. I tell myself that I'm going to be fine. And Yes, I will be fine. Why is it always the fear of the unknown that seems to be a common denominator with a scheduled hospital visit?

I've been pretty positive since day one, no sense in changing this now. I look at it as the first day of my new life. The first day of becoming cancer free. The first day of saying that I'm a survivor. I promised myself, that when I get into the Operating room, that I would go under with a smile on my face. Whether or not I have a mask on or not, I will smile. Because when I wake up, it will be a whole new world for me.

With all the hurdles that have been dealt to me since September 2008, I'm on the final stretch of this 'track meet of my life"!
That being said.......yes you can call me a survivor. No it's not premature. Preplanned ? Yes! Premature? NO!
There is a saying in Psalms that says: Be Strong and let your Heart take Courage!

Yep, I think I'll do just that!
Ok folks, time to say adios! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, there's no reason to look back now, all things are set for forward! Time to move on with my life!

Love to you all!
Trace

6days 4hours 9 min and 32 secs...but who's counting

Hello all,
I hope this blog finds each and everyone of you fine. I just got back from meeting with my surgeon, Dr. Linda Han. Looks like all systems go for next Tuesday January 27th. I need to be at the hospital around 11am (although this time may change) rumor has it that between my surgeon and my plastic surgeon is that the surgery itself is approx. 3 1/2 to 4 hours long.

I'll have drainage tubes and she flat out told me that I'm going to feel like the first hour or so that I'm having a heart attack. Being that I'm a mere 47, I cant tell you what that feels like, however, for those of you who have had one, I'm sure it's a pain that you don't want to experience ever again.

I appreciate my surgeon being upfront with me, (as most surgeons should be) I don't want anything candy coated. Just give me the drugs to deal with it. My surgeon tells me 2 days in the hospital and my plastic surgeon guy tells me up to 4. So, because of my past history with bleeding, hematomas and the whole 9 yards of not clotting fast (or normal time frame), I'll play it by ear as to how long I get to enjoy St. Anne's delicious hospital food.

I told my Dr, that I was a bit nervous about 'waking up', that fear of the unknown, the visions I have in my head of competing for Frankenstein's wife.......well, she assured me that I would NOT look like a Frankenstein and I guess at this point, Trust is the key word to go with.

That being said, I'm going to go log off and finish making more dinners, I have been doubling up on cooking, so I can throw 1/2 of it in the freezer so poor Dan and Mallori don't starve!!!!!

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and the next time you see me if I have 2 grey streaks in a beehive hairdo, then don't look at my neck for bolts I promise you they won't be there!
Ciao for now!
Trace
p.s. Think Pink!!!

Time to change the Tires!

Good morning everyone!
I hope this blog finds all of you well! Well folks, yesterday I met with my new plastic surgeon, and needless to say I was VERY impressed with him. We hit it off from the get-go. He was kind, courteous and had a great sense of humor, not to mention he took his TIME with me and answered all my questions!

He reconfirmed with me that my 'big day'' is January 27th......Ok.....so I am having a double mascetomy with immediate reconstruction and both breasts will be nipple and skin sparring! Ok.....that's great, given the limited options that I have. Basically in a nut shell, I'll be 'scooped out' on both breasts by my breast surgeon, keep in mind I said 'scooped' out.....they are not cutting my 'girls' off, so I have a flat chest and down the road I'll change my name to "BILL".!!!!!!
No, I'm getting them scooped out! Save the Freckles I say!!!! I mean , I'm going on a cruise next week and am looking forward to getting a tan. So the idea of getting white breast skin from another part of my body and joining the freak circus is NOT what I had in mind!

So after I'm scooped out, my plastic surgeon comes in and inserts these 'expanders', kinda like a small balloon with a metal ring, he injects saline (aka salt water) into the expanders to stretch my skin from my chest wall. This will be done weekly for about 3 -4 weeks. Once my skin is expanded, then I will have saline implants put in. I dont want the gel kind. Not EVEN an option even though 95 pct of his patients in his practice have them.

Nope, no thanks. I'll stick to saline, so IF for some reason I have a leak, he told me I'll know it. And his exact words were " Tracy you'll know it, the one will be smaller than the other. Just call me up and tell me you have a FLAT TIRE, and I'll tell you to come in and have them changed!".... Well folks, that was the line that did it! Ya gotta love a Doctor that talks like that to ya! Sold! I'm in! Where do I sign?

Back to surgery.........so it's about a 4 hour surgery to have both doctors work on me and I should be in the ole hospital for 3-4 days (pending any hematomas!) Dan and I go on our 6 day cruise on Monday and will be back on Saturday the 17th. I meet with Dr. Han (my breast surgeon) on the 21st and will blog after that!

I wish all of you a warm January! I am trying to get Dan to snorkel with me in Belize. I hear the barrier reef there is awesome, so I'm going to close for now, as I have to go out and get an underwater camera for this snorkeling adventure!!!!
Ciao for now!
Trace