Knowledge is power.........

Good Morning All! Dreary day here , it's snowing a little and the cat is watching the birds eat at the feeder. So it looks like a postcard from the back of my house!

Sorry so late on the updated blog, yesterday was a busy day for me. I met with another few members of my 'team'. My first appointment was with my medical oncologist. We reviewed my test scores from my Oncotype DX test. This is a test that (in a nutshell) dissects the genes of my cancer and scores them on a test that determines the recurrence of my cancer and whether or not I have to have Chemo. Well the good news is that I have a score of 12 which is under 20. Anything under 20 is in the 'good' group, which means I do NOT have to have chemo. My cancer is a hormonal driven type. So, that means I can be treated with hormonal drugs (Tamoxifen).Which I will be on for at least 5 years. I won't start this till after the first of the year.

After that we (Dan, myself and my good good friend Patty) drove over to meet my Dr. 90210 (plastic surgeon) I met Dr. Boehmler for a good 2 hours and we discussed a wide variety of options that I can elect to have done, once I have my mastectomy. Dr. Boemler wants me to be 200pct sure of my decision prior to getting on the table in the operating room.

At this point I am not at 200 pct. Nowhere close! I believe I am going to have a 2nd opinion on the pathology reports from my re-excision. I want to make sure that I have exhausted all avenues prior to committing to have a mastectomy. A 2nd opinion can not hurt. In fact it may help me understand why I have been dealt this hand in the card game of my life.

I went to bed exhausted last night at 8pm. I don't think there is one ounce of tears left in my body.I woke up at 11pm with my mind racing around the track. I went down to the basement and read till 4am. Then went back to bed kinda. I didn't really sleep, just tossed and turned alot.

I came across this phrase that says:" Knowledge is power.....When you understand, you can become an active participant, choosing treatment because it's in Your best interest. Having made the choice, you will feel much more in 'control and much less like a victim".

So, that being said, I am going to read and research and study,learn and ask everything that I can possibly think of to educate myself on my life changing decision. I'm sorry I can't go into detail about everything that was said to me for 4 1/2 hours yesterday. I'm whipped. But I will tell you when the time is right.

I hope all of you have a lovely Thanksgiving with your family and friends. Drive and fly safe if you are doing so. Enjoy the time!
Take care, Hugs to all!
Trace

getting the tire changed

Well good day everyone. Once again, I am overwhelmed with the responses from this blog, text msgs, phone calls and folks stopping by. Granted I looked like a truck hit me yesterday which was par for the course I guess. My buddy Steph came over with the most amazing inspirational card, not to mention a dozen White long stem roses. I've never had white before and they look and smell sensational! We sat and gabbed and I cried a bit more which I needed to do. She's such a great friend to me. I am blessed to have her in my life! Later I took a nap from 5p-730pm woke up had some soup with Dan and the Kids then went back to bed at 900pm. Pretty emotionally and physically exhausted. I slept pretty well considering the news that had been given to me..

Ya know, laughter is the best medicine. If everyone laughed everyday for even a few seconds, I think this place would be a whole lot better. By the way....... Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested? He was charged with battery. Made ya smirk...didn't it?
I probably wont blog again will Monday after I meet with my oncologist and plastic surgeon. I have lots of reading to do along with many questions that need thought of and answered.

So I have surmised this......I guess it's like going into Goodyear and getting your tire changed. One bad one comes off and they put a new one on. That being said. I wonder how I get balanced?.........ciao for now and lots of hugs for everyone! Trace

Wed 11/19. Time to make LEMONADE!!!!!!!!

Good morning everyone, Its 7:50am, just having coffee. I am full of good vibes this morning. I actually slept throughout most of the night. I have awoken very refreshed! I meet with the Dr. in a little more than 1 hour. Again, let me emphasize to all of you....the 2 words I want to hear...."clear margin". Wish me luck and clear margin or not, I will be on later today to blog!
Ciao for now,
Trace

Ok I met with Dr. Yee today. I took off my gauze and showed her my ever dripping wound, which she says is pretty natural. We talked about the healing process from this last emergency surgery. I some how had got the impression that the next subject was something she didn't look forward discussing with me. Sure as shit would have it, it was NOT good news. After the last re-excision, they found even MORE cancer. This cancer is 'dotted', in other words, its not a mass, not a whole, it's speckled, like dot here dot there, so microscopic that it did not nor will it ever show up on a mamogram. In a nutshell, she has 'scooped' out so much muscle/fiber/tissue in my right breast, that there really is not anything left to work with.

My only true course of action is to have my right breast removed via a masectomy. Having just had a bomb drop on me, I sat at the edge of the table for a second. "No", I did not just hear what I thought I heard. Surely, there must be chemo or radiation that can kill this crap. So I asked her, and there is no real way to determine ending all of this cancer or killing it prior to it reaching my lymph nodes and moving through out my body.

I'm feeling like I'm in a fog right now. Trying to compose myself, I just lost it front of them. (my Dr. Yee and nurse practiioner Maria) they calmed me down stating that I only have a 8 pct chance cancer returning based on my Oncotype DX genetic testing. So that is good news.

I meet with my oncologist team member this coming monday 11/24 at noon and then meet with my new aquired plastic surgeon that same day at 3pm. I will find out time frames and surgery dates later next week. I am going to have reconstructive surgery done. So this masectomy and breast reconstruction will be a heafty long surgery for me. I need my body to recoupe from the last 3 surgeries.
For now I'm in a little fog, going to go take a nap with the cat, he loves to lay on my chest and hear me out. He lays with me till I fall asleep then he goes and hogs the bed in another area. I will talk to you soon. I obviously have a ton of reading to do. Botttom line is....
masectomy, reconstructive surgery, possibly chemo, possibly radiation therapy..then tamoxifin.


Thats all I know for now. Just remember............... when life gives you lemons....you make lemonade. I guess I'll be making the mother of all batches.....and make the pink lemonade please!!! Have a good day. Hugs to all.....Traci

It's Tuesday, I really am blessed!

Good Morning everyone, lovely cold novembery day. Just lounging around. Took Taylor to chick filet for lunch and off to Kroger to get my mother of all birds....snagged me a 25 pounder! whoo hoo. That was enough running around for me today. Came back and Taylor unloaded the groceries and I went up for a nap. When I awoke around 3pm for my meds, Mallori told me there was something on the porch. She brought into me 2 big bags of goodies.Vicki and Ed and Bernadette and Dom....thank you sooooooooooooooo much. The dozen roses and chocolates are awesome. I love the 'pink cure' towel and vase that the roses came in. The crockpot full of pot roast looks and smells awesome. It was really hot, so I dont think it was on my porch for very long. I cried when I read the card and Bernie's email. Just the day before, another flight attendant friend of mine Valerie, came over with chicken and noodles and cookies....yum!!!Thank you so much everyone for your kindness and generosity. I am so blown away by all this. And it makes me realize what a lucky person I am to have all of you in my life. I am truly blessed! I will keep blogging because in a way it makes me feel good, by venting and educating folks who may have been or may be in the same boat as me. Once again,thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I really am blessed!

The Best Medicine

My sister in law Marianne came to stay with me for the day. Dan and Taylor had purchased tickets to a hockey game for Friday nite and U of M football for Saturday against North Western. We discussed the pros and cons (which there were NO cons) about going and leaving me. Because I'm so bossy, I told him to go.I wanted him to go, Everyone wanted him to go. There was NO reason for him to stay and watch me fade in and out in a 10x14 foot private room. Spending time with his son to me, having a Father/Son weekend is priceless. I have plenty of family and friends who can assist me should i need it. It wasn't like I was on my death bed or pending another surgery.

So I jumped in the the shower first thing Friday morning. Got all dolled up in my pajamas (I don't think I can wear their designer gowns anymore) freshened all up and here he comes in with Taylor. They stayed and visited for a few hours and by 11am they were off to Michigan only to be returning back to me by 700pm the next evening.

I got to spend the day with my sis in law. I really had a good time with her. We've known each other for 26 years but some how, I feel like maybe she learned a little more about me. We actually talked all day. Did some walking a few different times, went to the Atrium and the library on the 5th floor. (and yes I did walk around the hospitals with my Pajamas on) I mean....who knows me? and frankly.....who cares?

Guy called and showed up after work to pick her up. Patty and Scott showed up, now there is a recipe for cackling. Laughter is the best medicine. I dont care if you're on the giving or receiving end of it. Laughter is great. That to me is better than all the medicines in the world. Well I get to come home on Saturday around 1pm and them I'm going to Vegetate for a few days. I will blog later. I dont want to do anything to create a 'Dolly 2" if ya know what I mean. Dollyworld is shut down......good nite and God bless!

Someone turn off the inflation device!

Well well, Now it's wednesday 11/12/08 and Dolly is growing by the hour. The right side of my chest (aka Dollyworld) is now huge. I feel like if I don't hurry up and split at the seams I will burst. I didn't have the best luck getting blood taken today, by a newbie and a trainee. I kinda lost it after they blew the 3rd vein looking for blood and didn't have any luck. I believe in trainees, I just don't believe I'll have another one anytime soon!

Dr. Yee came into my room around 700am, basically suprised to see my 'Dolly" and concerned about the slight pink color and temp around the area, thought that infection had set in, just in the area that she voided out on 11/5. So heavy duty antibiotics get put into the ole IV, morphine, percocet and a regular diet of hospital food keep me feeling healthy wealthy and wise! The day actually was a blur, so I'll skip to Thursday 11/13. So in a nut shell, I'm scheduled for emergency surgery. They're going to go in and basically suck the crud out of me. Keep me on a high dose of antibiotics and pain meds.

So Im about to eat my breakfast (hard pancakes, oatmeal, OJ and toast) when the nurse comes in tells me Im due into surgery in 6 hours and now I can't eat anything. It was a scene outta a movie , those hospital people, wheeling my food laden tray into the dying sunset as I sat there in my designer gown and manly sports bra. Ok...time to brush my tooth..

They came and got me around 2pm. I met with my team of Dr's again, and reaquated myself with the surgical nurses and recovery team nurses that I had just seen last thursday. Call it a mini-James reunion. They were/are very positive and sending me good vibes for this hopefully last surgery. Ok everyone...say goodbye to Dolly..........off to surgery we go.

I got "put under" very well from my Dr. Xia (his chinese humor is the pits, he best stick with his day job) .Dr. Yee told Dan that she was very suprised at the size of my blood clot, and had no idea that it was that big. (I guess we're talking baseball) They re-cauterized the open area and sewed me back up.I came out of surgery a few hours later then recovery (pending a bloody nose) and from what I could feel I felt great. I felt so alert as if someone just flipped the light switch for me to wake up. I went back to my room, where Dan and my sister in law Marianne were waiting for me. I wasn't walking around like a hunchback from Notre Dame, nor look like I was standing in the employement line for the freak of from Wringling Bros. and Bailey's Circus.

Everyone left me in peace around 800pm, and I said good nite to all............Good nite!

Not the plan!

Well, it's now Tuesday later afternoon, I'm so happy that Taylor is flying home from Montana today, I cant wait to see him. He didn't get on the first non-stop outta Denver, but he got on the second one. I pretty much slept all afternoon, got up and took a shower, washed my hair. My mother always said, "if you look better, you'll feel better"...and yup, I looked better, hey, I could even qualifiy to enter Walmart thats how good I felt. So I go down to the basement, turn on the heater lay on the couch and watch the news.



Taylor's plane touched down around 445pm and he just sent me a text saying he was getting picked up from his buddy and would be home around 530pm. Mallori was at the mall, doing what teenagers do at the mall, and would be home around 530pm. Great, Dan should be getting off work at 600pm so the whole tribe would be together in the next hour or so.



So I'm laying on the couch watching the 530pm news, I had this odd sensation, can't quite describe. I looked at Dolly and bam., blood all over the place. I go upstairs just as Mal is walking in the door, and she manages to help me disrobe and see what the problem is. Dolly is so huge and I mean soooooooooooooooooo huge, the discomfort level is at an all time high and now I'm literally bursting at the seams.



Where my 5 inch incision is looked like a small spot where I assumed maybe a stitch that ripped open, ok, stay calm, I called my Dr, they paged her and she called me back. I was instructed to put an ace wrap around my chest tight for pressure, should stop the bleeding. Ok..fine, no big whoop. This was 6pm.....Dan comes in and we have dinner down in the familyroom as a family. Which totally made my day. We left it as "no news is good news".....well, long story short, ..........

By 730pm I was completly soaked thru all guaze, ace bandage and shirt. I called my Dr, as we headed out the door, on our way to OSU E/R. She called the e/r to advise them I was coming and she would be on call for me. (I didn't want anyone messing up the wonderfull job she did on me) Get to E/R and wait and wait and wait.......good thing I wasn't 'bleeding to death" or anything!!!! Long story short, they look at me, the size the temp and before I know it I'm admitted! whoa.............didn't expect this to happen. It's now 200am and Im getting my room at the James hospital and sending Dan home for some sleep.

This wasnt part of the plan. Then what really is? I'll blog more in a bit. This story only gets better! ciao for now, Trace

Dolly Parton

Good Morning everyone, beautiful day here. Great night too. Almost a full moon. I would know that because of me being up every hour with my 'girl'.......My girl...let's call her "Dolly" is so swollen, she looks like a tick about to pop. I have some bruises all around my right rib cage and on my sternum. With symptoms like these....who else would I call at 700am in the morning but my dear ole friend "Marsha".

I needed her to get a visual on my symptoms and do some explaining to me about the so called war in the O/R that I presumably lost!! OOOOOOOOOOoh Marsha, what cold hands you have. But hey, it was all good. I felt bad calling her at the crack of dawn with my semi-transgendered manly voice, but darn it, I couldn't take it any more.She really was a lot of help and hey, the price was right! (wink)

I can't wait for this cancer chapter in my life to be ended so I can move on. When it is done folks, I am having a huge bbq for all my friends and family. A little thank you from the bottom of my steak tar tar!!!!!!
I go see Dr. Yee tomorrow at 730am and there are 2 words I plan on hearing...."CLEAR MARGIN" I'm sending positive vibes to you all!!!
Thanks again Marsh,
Trace
p.s. Taylor flys home from Montana today. Should be landing around 2:30pm and will be here till December 3rd!! whooo hoooooooo Oh and anyone plz stop by. I would love the company. Frankly I'm sick of the cat!!!

International or Peterbuilt?

Well 'they' say day 3 is the tough one. And sure enough yesterday was day 3. I took the pain meds as directed but never seemed to come out of the fog that was constantly with me throughout the entire day. I can''t sleep on my left hip anymore, can't sleep on my tummy, can't sleep on my right side, ok...guess that leaves the back. I must say that a lazy boy chair sounds darn good right now.

I had trouble all day getting out of bed. Dan walked in last night and asked me .."OMG what happened to you?"....not in a mean way but out of concern. He asked me where I got my bruises?. I said "what bruises?" so he proceeded to take me into the bathroom and show me what I hadn't seen before. The fact that it hurt so much getting up out of bed may be from the bruises on my ribs on the right side. Now we're talking that lovely color of Magenta right there on the right side of the rib cage....this is turning into a treasure hunt now, as we locate one dead center of my chest, on my sternum.

I'm starting to wonder what the heck happened in that O/R? I always try to be the good patient, not a trouble maker. Ok more bruises up under my armpit. So far thats it for now. Frankly, I don't want to find anymore. I feel like I got hit by a truck as it is. Im just not sure if it was a Peterbuilt or an International!!!.

Thank you to all that call, email and comment here at blog central! I found that putting my thoughts/adventures in writing can cause laughter for some! education for others, not to mention it saves me a slew of phone calls with Pete and Re-pete! It's just nice to know I have so many family and friends here in Columbus, in Y-Town and surrounding cities, not to mention the folks I work with! Once again, thank you for calling and checking on me and calling just to chat. I appreciate it more than you know!! For those of you who haven't called me, i/m'd me, or shot me an email, just remember you can't taste visine when it's in your coffee!!!!! LMAO. Yeah _________ you know who you are!
I'll blog when I get outta my fog. Good day for Lifetime movie network.!!! I'll chat later!!! T

Atilla the hun

Hello all, the way i feel right now it could be raining cats and dogs and frankly I don't care. Yesterday , Thursday 11/6 was .....let's say....not one of my more memorable days of my life. It was a gorgeous day don't get me wrong. Got to the James at 12:30 for admissions . The hospitals tend to run like the airlines, uh.....not on time. No worries, where was I going? So we sat and sat and sat. I started to get a really bad headache since it was about 1:30 and I hadn't eaten since 6:30pm the night before. Of course reading magazines with recipes in them didn't help!

Finally, hear my name paged and up to the 4th floor pre-op we go. Got into my designer gown, my ghetto hair net and sexy booties. Next comes the IV.I met with my anesthesiologist, and since I had some problems getting the tube down my throat from some previous surgeries, I wanted to make sure he was advised of my throat/breathing problems. Nice guy, took the time to check my mouth out and hear what I had to say. I heard him on the phone ordering a few pieces of some equipment apparently in a different size to suit my needs.

It's now past 3pm and I was originally supposed to have surgery at 1:30pm , the nurse comes in and introduces herself to me, I kiss Dan goodbye and away we go to the O/R.

I slip over onto the popsicle stick of a table. They prop me upwards instead of laying down. I'm thinking, "ok, this is new". The anesthesiologist comes over with this huge needle (now mind you I am fully awake, no happy juice of any kind) he first squirts a lidocaine up my nose, then puts this needle up my nostril and out gushes this gel which is a lidocaine type glob. He tells me to snort it up so it can run down my throat and numb me. I ask why is this being done and he tells me he wants to see how I handle this like laproscopic like breathing tube he's about to put down my throat.

I get this oxygen type like mask put on me next about 1 inch from my face with is spitting clear liquid, which I'm told I need to inhale so my esophagus goes numb. (it was kinda like breathing in the shower under the shower head while it's running....not fun!) Ok!, I'm thinking ok mind over matter I can handle this (again...no happy juice I was fully alert) he puts in a 4 inch tube into my mouth, "great" I'm thinking this is a breeze!...then comes the 'good part'.....the ole laproscopic tube. This thing was about the size of a TV cable and about 10 inches long. I shot him a 'George' look, like..."you're not gonna put this where I think you're gonna put this"...sure enough....down the hatch. In any event, I learned that my gag reflex was NOT numb. I gagged so hard and was gasping for air, I thought I was a gonner, as if I were to be breathing thru a coffee stir stick. They must have inserted the anesthesia at that point because I don't even remember going under.

The surgery went well, it took about 90 min for surgery, I had alot of drugs in me when I was in post op/recovery, so I was in there for 2 1/2 hours give or take a few. I could tell coming 'out' that I was going to be in some pain. I am so swollen on my right side, which, hey,is fine, as long as she got all the cancer cells and I come back with a clear margin. I have some percocet here to help me.

We got home from the hospital last night around 9pm. I slept good till 2am and I have been tossing and turning ever since. But thats ok.....as long as Dr. Yee got all the cells. I can deal with the 'other stuff". Since it's cold and rainy today, I've labeled myself as Atilla, and will soon be going back up to my cave. I would love to write more but I feel the percocet is kicking in. Figaro is taking care of me today. He doesn't understand that he can't take a nap on 'Mom's chest" for a while .Anyhow, I'm feeling drowsier, gotta go. Have a nice weekend. I'll write when I can. T

Round 2

Good morning everyone, another beautiful day. I actually got a great night sleep last night. The parents called me from JFK prior to leaving for Malaga, Spain and the word is 'no news is good news'. I hope their flight went well and they got some sleep. Malaga is a beautiful city and I'm sure they will enjoy it. In the mean time back here in Columbus, Ohio its indian summer and I think everyone is enjoying it to the fullest. I have to be at the James hospital at 12:30 today then up to O/R at 1:30pm. It's supposed to be a 90 min. to 2 hour surgery. So I'm crossing my fingers that the Doc will snag it all. Positive vibes......nothing but positive vibes. Well since I can't eat or drink anything, I think I'll go up and brush my tooth again and gargle. I'll get dressed and take a walk around the block. It's too nice to stay inside, considering its November!!!! Anyhow, cross your fingers everyone. I'll blog when I'm outta the fog!!! Ciao for now! Trace

No time like now!

Good day everyone, another beautiful day here! I had my apt. with Dr. Yee moved up to 12:30pm today and got my hair chopped. I will look like Kris Kardashian Jenner if it's the last thing I do!!! The swelling is down and my incisions are healing very well. They just called me to advise me that there is an opening in the old Operating Room tomorrow 11/6/08 at 1:30pm. I have to be at admissions at 12:30pm. I really wanted this surgery tomorrow, because I had been tentatively scheduled for next Thursday. Taylor comes home on vacation from Montana on Tuesday 11/11!!!! I cant wait to see him. I really didn't want my surgery to be done while he is here, so it worked out. I'm being very optomistic that the Dr. will get the 2 additional cancerous spots out of me tomorrow. And I will have a "clear/clean margin". I have to think overdrive on the positive thoughts that this will be "IT"!. I asked the nurse today what the odds were of having a 3rd lumpectomy and she said 'none'. There fore if the surgery doesn't turn out good tomorrow, then my only option is to have a masectomy. I want to exhaust all my lumpectomy avenues before driving onto the masectomy highway.I am only thinking positive thoughts again. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, wish me luck. I'll post as soon as I can!!! Get out and enjoy the next few days, this weekend it's supposed to be cold!!!!! ciao for now! Trace